For the first time in years our family is celebrating Christmas again. No, we are not now, nor have we ever been Jehovah's Witnesses. We don't belong to any special sect of Christianity. We stopped celebrating after being taught by our then pastor that Christmas was super pagan in nature. He had actually written and published a book called The Truth About Christmas. In it he expounds on the fact that the origin of the holiday is mired in paganism and debauchery. In fact, the bible itself discourages the Jewish people from things like cutting down trees and decorating them because they were doing so to copy the pagans of the time who were worshiping Baal, or some inactive deity who shouldn't have been worshiped by God's own people. Veritably, it was considered an abomination to celebrate Christmas in America until the late 1840's. This little known fact is difficult to reconcile with the current insistence on the "war on Christmas" perceived by pundits who would swear on a stack that Christmas is all about Jesus and a part of America's Christian heritage. Well, we try to pin it all on Jesus now, but that hasn't always been the case.
That said, the pastor did not impose a "we don't celebrate Christmas" edict on anyone. The idea was if you know the truth, then why would you do anything else?
At any rate, this brought about a crisis of conscience for our family. We couldn't read this book, know this information, go to this church, and live an uber-conservative lifestyle while still celebrating the holiday. In fact, it seemed colossally incongruous, as if we were giving the God of the universe an engagement ring from a previous relationship. After many conversations and rationalizations, we determined that we wouldn't celebrate anymore.
With that, my husband proceeded to gather all our decorations and destroy them. Utterly. He didn't want to just put them out as trash because someone else would most likely take them and use them. So, he smashed and tore them with a fervor I didn't really expect. The passion was alarming at the time, but I didn't say anything about it. I look back now and I'm somewhat embarrassed by it. Our family had transitioned into a new way of operating. I had been commissioned to quit my job as an educator. I was convinced that it was better for our family if I were home. Then, I was talked into homeschooling the kids. After all, I was an excellent teacher. Why wouldn't I channel all that energy into my own children. This seemed selfish for me personally because I saw teaching as a form of superheroics, saving impoverished children from illiteracy one class at a time, but in some Christian circles this is the only way to go. My husband began the relentless pursuit of supporting a family with one income. This is virtually impossible without working an ungodly amount of time. He was holding two or three jobs, working up to 80 hours a week. He was either asleep or gone, or too tired to do anything other than sit or lay and lounge. Needless to say, isolation set in. To top all that off, we weren't celebrating the big C. When you don't celebrate Christmas, don't go to work, don't send your children to school, don't have a social church, don't, don't, don't...it can be unbelievably lonely. The seclusion is piercing because you wonder if everyone forgot you exist. It makes you feel horrible.
This horror intensified when we shunned all things Christmas. When October rolled around and all the Christmas fare made its yearly appearance, it felt as if I were sleeping through a dream I was having, but wasn't in. I pondered how difficult it must be to practice anything other than mainstream Christianity and live in a society that so obnoxiously imposes its traditions on you. Atheists, Jews, Muslims, etc. must be used to it, but they certainly can't overlook it. Many of them celebrate the holiday, even if it doesn't align with their beliefs. I never considered it before, but the holiday season can be an unapologetically pernicious time of year. Everything cloaked in red or green. I now notice blue and silver for Hanukkah, but if you wanted to celebrate Kwanzaa, you may as well pretend because there is no merchandise available in mainstream outlets with which to do it. Santa is everywhere. Huge displays of stuff already wrapped in holiday garb is blocking every aisle. Regular merchandise is removed and replaced by ornaments, trees, tinsel, and other Christmas staples. This never really seemed unusual before. Even when retailers put out their displays at the end of September it was presumptuous, but not completely offensive. But now it just flew in the face of reason. And, the expectation to spend was ridiculous. Every commercial on the radio (we rarely turned on a TV), every ad in every paper, and every store you entered bathed you in the idea that you needed to spend some cash, even on those slippers in the shape of an elf while supplies last and the sale is on. It was an immersion in the ridiculous. What about those who have a real budget? What about those who are living paycheck to paycheck all year? Now that I was on the other side of the coin, all of it, every speck of glitter, every fancy orb, the pressure to spend money, and all the smiling Santas, just seemed abhorrent, abusive even. Every time you're exposed to a holiday special or confronted with holiday anything, you second guess your sanity, or curse the world for being insane. Still, I understood this was my decision to be a minority in a situation where I didn't have to. Any inconveniences I experienced were of my own creation. I chose to place myself and my family in this outcast position. I was not born into it like so many others are. So, I would endure the memories of Christmases past, the forlorn looks on my children's faces when they couldn't participate, and the strikingly difficult eye rolls and judgement being passed by those who were either gone or unaware of the change.
Friends...family, the struggle becomes overwhelmingly real: Oh no, you've joined a cult! What, why, are you Jehovah's Witness? What's that about, did you become an atheist? What about the babies, why can't they have a Christmas? When one explains the pagan roots of any tradition to a traditionalist they counter with the simplest of arguments. Well, that's not why I celebrate it. What about now, that's not what it means. And what can the researcher, the truth herald, say? They are also telling a truth. Full of fight, embarrassment, frustration, and that sinking feeling of not being like everyone else, you begin to fade away. Invitations to secret santa exchanges and holiday parties you won't attend become scarce and eventually, to your relief, disappear. Christmas morning comes and goes with no particular muss or fuss.
And yet, with all the socio-cultural challenges that come along with it, there are some perks. It's remarkably calming to not have to go "Christmas shopping". The stress of trying to buy stuff for people or trying to provide a jabillion toys for your kids is non-existent. Which, since we had very little disposable cash, this felt peaceful. We didn't spend a lot on anything really. Without having to travel anywhere or do anything, we saved money, time, and stress.
But, being a person who had known the high life of Christmas, I knew we were missing something. I know my kids will only get this one shot at growing up. Every experience will add or take away from the people they become and I felt deep down inside that I was keeping something special from them. No, certainly not the toys. The anticipation of toys is great, but the stuff itself is completely unimportant. Truly, I can hardly remember 90% of the bounty my mom left for us under the tree and around the entire living room every year, just that she did it because she loved us. The best part of the holidays is the memories of the fun and learning something new about yourself from it all. I still recall Christmases at my Grandmother's house being some of the best times of my life and the interaction with my family being part of what shaped me. The excitement that filled me when I saw my aunts and uncles and cousins flood through the door was like very few things I've experienced since. They didn't necessarily "get" me anything...I imagine there were way too many cousins. But, their presence was what I loved. Their stories and jokes were gift enough. The hugs and smiles and pure love in the room was more beautiful that any material gift I would ever receive.Watching movies and shrieking with uncontrollable laughter, singing songs, talking, playing, and eating the most delectable treats without worrying about anything is what the holidays were about. The family time is priceless. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was not giving my kids a chance to know that, to feel that. And, somehow, that was just wrong.
Fast forward to present day and we no longer attend that church. There are many reasons, but only one stands out now. The pastor told the congregation during the last election, on more than one occasion, that it was a "godly" decision to vote for Romney. There was so much packed into that statement that we had to take a step back and truly consider the influence we were allowing into our lives. If something as worldly as voting could be considered godly, then what is the bible really about? Besides that, Jesus was a community organizer while Pontius Pilate was a governor. True Christianity practically dictated a vote for the other guy. Our concern became that American Christians had come to an impasse where they would either sell out true Christian values to hold hands with racism and warmongering or stay focused on the right path regardless of politics. We didn't stick around to find out how that particular congregation came out in the battle, they seemed to be losing it. We faced the sobering reality that being black matters, all the time. And while it doesn't necessarily affect your ability to practice Christianity, it can present some contradictions that are really tough to mold into a working faith.
So, this year, flying free from any indoctrination outside that which we choose to impose upon ourselves, we had a family meeting and decided that we would try to celebrate Christmas again. We don't really know how this should look, but we decided there would be presents (kids chose this element), decorations (I was adamant...it's fun), and good food (Dad would not relent on this). We can't invoke a "Jesus is the reason" attitude anymore because we know better. Santa is still out of the question, advent calendars are not happening (even the fancy ones full of beauty products), and going into debt is not an option. Our Christmas is about family, love, and peace. The ultimate goal being to build some positive memories, relax, and have fun.
That said, the pastor did not impose a "we don't celebrate Christmas" edict on anyone. The idea was if you know the truth, then why would you do anything else?
A very small group of people attended this church, most of them sporadically. The teaching was different from most. This pastor was keen on the origin of every word in the bible and took it all literally. Even the Old Testament scriptures that mainstream Christians sort of overlook were very much attended to and taught and explained in depth. Nothing was left to chance. He covered over 150 scriptures in each sermon and examined the Greek and/or Hebrew origin of them all. I was relieved that he didn't do the typical prosperity teaching from the OT, but real instruction in behavior. He rarely preached. He taught most of the time. Yes, services could get long. He taught why television, most holidays, syncopated music, all secular music, and most Christian music, eating or spending time with fornicators, being friends with non-believers, inviting others to your home etc. caused everyone, without exception, to be inhabited by demons that needed to be cast out regularly. He set up appointments to do this with anyone individually for free. (Some charge hundreds for the service) We sang only older hymns and songs that he had written. There was no percussion, really because syncopation was considered demonic in nature. The children went to a back room during the sermons and had a lesson of their own. I was not allowed to work with the children. I was not given any explanation for this other than that they had enough help. There was no mechanism for background checks so this was a rule I was okay with since I figured it worked that way for everyone. I was wrong. There were people who I didn't see at church on bible study nights and didn't know working with the kids on Sundays. I didn't know what to think of this, and again no explanation was ever given. What's worse, I didn't feel powerful enough to ask. My children were taught that their dad's Christian rap music was demonic and given arts and crafts that didn't reflect their own heritage in any way. I'm sure this was not intentional or malicious in nature. It was overlooked because the primary concern was being like Jesus and conforming. All people perceive their god to be like them, to hold all the same attributes and attitudes, regardless of facts. To these people Jesus was a white, middle class American conservative and they taught him that way.
At any rate, this brought about a crisis of conscience for our family. We couldn't read this book, know this information, go to this church, and live an uber-conservative lifestyle while still celebrating the holiday. In fact, it seemed colossally incongruous, as if we were giving the God of the universe an engagement ring from a previous relationship. After many conversations and rationalizations, we determined that we wouldn't celebrate anymore.
With that, my husband proceeded to gather all our decorations and destroy them. Utterly. He didn't want to just put them out as trash because someone else would most likely take them and use them. So, he smashed and tore them with a fervor I didn't really expect. The passion was alarming at the time, but I didn't say anything about it. I look back now and I'm somewhat embarrassed by it. Our family had transitioned into a new way of operating. I had been commissioned to quit my job as an educator. I was convinced that it was better for our family if I were home. Then, I was talked into homeschooling the kids. After all, I was an excellent teacher. Why wouldn't I channel all that energy into my own children. This seemed selfish for me personally because I saw teaching as a form of superheroics, saving impoverished children from illiteracy one class at a time, but in some Christian circles this is the only way to go. My husband began the relentless pursuit of supporting a family with one income. This is virtually impossible without working an ungodly amount of time. He was holding two or three jobs, working up to 80 hours a week. He was either asleep or gone, or too tired to do anything other than sit or lay and lounge. Needless to say, isolation set in. To top all that off, we weren't celebrating the big C. When you don't celebrate Christmas, don't go to work, don't send your children to school, don't have a social church, don't, don't, don't...it can be unbelievably lonely. The seclusion is piercing because you wonder if everyone forgot you exist. It makes you feel horrible.
This horror intensified when we shunned all things Christmas. When October rolled around and all the Christmas fare made its yearly appearance, it felt as if I were sleeping through a dream I was having, but wasn't in. I pondered how difficult it must be to practice anything other than mainstream Christianity and live in a society that so obnoxiously imposes its traditions on you. Atheists, Jews, Muslims, etc. must be used to it, but they certainly can't overlook it. Many of them celebrate the holiday, even if it doesn't align with their beliefs. I never considered it before, but the holiday season can be an unapologetically pernicious time of year. Everything cloaked in red or green. I now notice blue and silver for Hanukkah, but if you wanted to celebrate Kwanzaa, you may as well pretend because there is no merchandise available in mainstream outlets with which to do it. Santa is everywhere. Huge displays of stuff already wrapped in holiday garb is blocking every aisle. Regular merchandise is removed and replaced by ornaments, trees, tinsel, and other Christmas staples. This never really seemed unusual before. Even when retailers put out their displays at the end of September it was presumptuous, but not completely offensive. But now it just flew in the face of reason. And, the expectation to spend was ridiculous. Every commercial on the radio (we rarely turned on a TV), every ad in every paper, and every store you entered bathed you in the idea that you needed to spend some cash, even on those slippers in the shape of an elf while supplies last and the sale is on. It was an immersion in the ridiculous. What about those who have a real budget? What about those who are living paycheck to paycheck all year? Now that I was on the other side of the coin, all of it, every speck of glitter, every fancy orb, the pressure to spend money, and all the smiling Santas, just seemed abhorrent, abusive even. Every time you're exposed to a holiday special or confronted with holiday anything, you second guess your sanity, or curse the world for being insane. Still, I understood this was my decision to be a minority in a situation where I didn't have to. Any inconveniences I experienced were of my own creation. I chose to place myself and my family in this outcast position. I was not born into it like so many others are. So, I would endure the memories of Christmases past, the forlorn looks on my children's faces when they couldn't participate, and the strikingly difficult eye rolls and judgement being passed by those who were either gone or unaware of the change.
Friends...family, the struggle becomes overwhelmingly real: Oh no, you've joined a cult! What, why, are you Jehovah's Witness? What's that about, did you become an atheist? What about the babies, why can't they have a Christmas? When one explains the pagan roots of any tradition to a traditionalist they counter with the simplest of arguments. Well, that's not why I celebrate it. What about now, that's not what it means. And what can the researcher, the truth herald, say? They are also telling a truth. Full of fight, embarrassment, frustration, and that sinking feeling of not being like everyone else, you begin to fade away. Invitations to secret santa exchanges and holiday parties you won't attend become scarce and eventually, to your relief, disappear. Christmas morning comes and goes with no particular muss or fuss.
And yet, with all the socio-cultural challenges that come along with it, there are some perks. It's remarkably calming to not have to go "Christmas shopping". The stress of trying to buy stuff for people or trying to provide a jabillion toys for your kids is non-existent. Which, since we had very little disposable cash, this felt peaceful. We didn't spend a lot on anything really. Without having to travel anywhere or do anything, we saved money, time, and stress.
But, being a person who had known the high life of Christmas, I knew we were missing something. I know my kids will only get this one shot at growing up. Every experience will add or take away from the people they become and I felt deep down inside that I was keeping something special from them. No, certainly not the toys. The anticipation of toys is great, but the stuff itself is completely unimportant. Truly, I can hardly remember 90% of the bounty my mom left for us under the tree and around the entire living room every year, just that she did it because she loved us. The best part of the holidays is the memories of the fun and learning something new about yourself from it all. I still recall Christmases at my Grandmother's house being some of the best times of my life and the interaction with my family being part of what shaped me. The excitement that filled me when I saw my aunts and uncles and cousins flood through the door was like very few things I've experienced since. They didn't necessarily "get" me anything...I imagine there were way too many cousins. But, their presence was what I loved. Their stories and jokes were gift enough. The hugs and smiles and pure love in the room was more beautiful that any material gift I would ever receive.Watching movies and shrieking with uncontrollable laughter, singing songs, talking, playing, and eating the most delectable treats without worrying about anything is what the holidays were about. The family time is priceless. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was not giving my kids a chance to know that, to feel that. And, somehow, that was just wrong.
Fast forward to present day and we no longer attend that church. There are many reasons, but only one stands out now. The pastor told the congregation during the last election, on more than one occasion, that it was a "godly" decision to vote for Romney. There was so much packed into that statement that we had to take a step back and truly consider the influence we were allowing into our lives. If something as worldly as voting could be considered godly, then what is the bible really about? Besides that, Jesus was a community organizer while Pontius Pilate was a governor. True Christianity practically dictated a vote for the other guy. Our concern became that American Christians had come to an impasse where they would either sell out true Christian values to hold hands with racism and warmongering or stay focused on the right path regardless of politics. We didn't stick around to find out how that particular congregation came out in the battle, they seemed to be losing it. We faced the sobering reality that being black matters, all the time. And while it doesn't necessarily affect your ability to practice Christianity, it can present some contradictions that are really tough to mold into a working faith.
So, this year, flying free from any indoctrination outside that which we choose to impose upon ourselves, we had a family meeting and decided that we would try to celebrate Christmas again. We don't really know how this should look, but we decided there would be presents (kids chose this element), decorations (I was adamant...it's fun), and good food (Dad would not relent on this). We can't invoke a "Jesus is the reason" attitude anymore because we know better. Santa is still out of the question, advent calendars are not happening (even the fancy ones full of beauty products), and going into debt is not an option. Our Christmas is about family, love, and peace. The ultimate goal being to build some positive memories, relax, and have fun.
